The Cult of Scott Bakula was founded at Norwescon 2002, a Seattle area science fiction convention. The men (and women) who would soon gain a vision from Scott and create this fine cult had no idea what fate lie in store for them when they first decided to attend this convention.
The original founders, now known as the PROPHETS, were generally unimpressed by the events of the convention itself, despite the promise of convention events such as "How to Get Laid at this Convention." As a result of their boredom, they decided to buy a bunch of alcohol, throw open the doors to their hotel room, play some music, and just "see what happened."
Yes, all you really need to start your own religion is just a bunch of alcohol.
Well, what happened was that the hotel room was deluged with over 50 people in a rather short span of time. It was at this fateful first party event where all the PROPHETS came together, setting the stage for the first visions from our illustrious Lord Bakula.
High Priestess Sharona anoints the sacred horn (left), which has since disappeared...
Also, the power of Scott Bakula can compel women to take their clothes off....
The revelry continued for several hours until it attracted the prying eyes of hotel security. Some men in suits who looked like they were agents from The Matrix descended upon our hotel room, and informed us that we would have to either shut down our little impromptu room party or else we would have to register as an official organization with the convention...
It was then, in that fateful moment, that we had a vision from none other than our god, Scott Bakula. Scott had in fact been talking to Duckman for weeks, as he instructed Duckman to acquire an autographed picture of Himself to give to a friend of his, Patsy, as a gift. But now, in this dark moment, when he was surrounded by hotel security, He told Duckman to invoke his divine name and declare his party an official gathering of the new CULT OF SCOTT BAKULA. Duckman held aloft the now sacred image of Scott Bakula and declared it to be a holy relic, and then in his first official act as a HOLY PROPHET, sent High Priestess Sharona down to deal with the non-believers.
In the days which followed, we decided to turn the autographed picture into a true SHRINE to Scott Bakula. We requested that anyone who attended our future parties at the convention bring an offering to Scott.
Scott received offerings of:
Scented Body Oils / Lubricant(?)
Cash (what were they thinking?)
A Dental Appointment Card
Kosher Jewish Food
Kum-Kleen Personal Wipes
We went around the hotel with signs which proclaimed "Join the Cult of Scott Bakula. Better Punch than Jonestown!" Thanks primarily to the efforts of PROPHET Duckman and High Priestess Sharona, we had, in time, found more PROPHETS. Reverend Chikinhed and Taternutz were present in the hotel enjoying the festivities, when they heard Lord Bakula call to them...
PROPHET Rev. Chikinhed (left) gazes in awe at the unholy abilities of PROPHET Taternutz...
Since Norwescon, the Cult of Scott Bakula has continued to spread nationwide. We actually have a FAMOUS cult member in the person of Ted Raimi. We now have official chapters in Seattle, Washington, Jasper, Tennessee, and Atlanta, Georgia. You can also check out the Cult Conquest Map to see the latest information on our cult nationwide! And YOU TOO can join our Cult and spread it further than we can alone, Bakula willing.
""Because his career died for your sins."
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