Speaks of the most Holy Bakulon
draws near, and out of the back
of my twisted upbringing came
some, nay...only ONE, gracious and awe-inspiring vision of the ultimate
sacrifice....the all glowing and ever-revered Scott Bakula!!! I am but
mortal, yet even in my detestable existence as a thespian have I heard the
children cry the praises and salutations of one great man-god...a deity who
has sacrificed every shred of artistic decency so that I may learn from his
mistakes...a living(?) legend of a career plummeting down to the depths of
entropy. do not speak to me of bad career choices, for surely you have not
known mis-management like the honorable S-B! do not hold pity or disdain
for anyone, for there has been an actor-messiah already covered in the blood
of media reaming, serving as a martyr so that ye may be spared the cruel
bashing of monotone dialogues! I have witnessed the bowel-wrenching
psycho-babble-on of fame first hand and have been touched in unmentionable
places by the beloved Scott Bakula...even now I feel his warm-tongued words
sliding around my body, not unlike a friendly moist towlette! yea, though
I strut through the valley of re-runs, I shall fear no actor...for I have
found my true love for the Bakula!
Recently The Low Prophet spoke of the recent incident involving a certain contest hosted on local Seattle radio station KZOK FM. Devoted fans of Enterprise and SCOTT BAKULA would be given the possibility of obtaining backstage passes to Enterprise... we quested valiantly in an effort to get the chance to stand prostrate before him, but alas, cults like ourselves were declared to be too powerful of a force to be reckoned with, so we were DISCRIMINATED AGAINST and no member of the cult was actually allowed to participate in the contest...
BLESSED is public control station whom shall LINK the path to the righteous cult of s to the c to the o-t-t. once upon a time not long ago, these foul barbarians would DENY the prophets a holy meeting with the Bakula due to their so called "rules" for a PATHETIC excuse of a contest. so at night their dreams came to nightmares and nighmares brought upon the WRATH of unholy torture sent directly from the arch-angel Mid-Grade-Thespian (one of Bakula's heralds). they awoke the next morning with crud in their hearts still, but now they knew what they must do to REPENT for their sins. the flipped through some re-runs and remembered that they had been gettin' some lovin' from the Bakula ALL THESE YEARS and had shunned him away, and now to correct these ills, they must not only believe in their hearts themselves, but must HELP other people to reach the Bakula so that they too can hurl and spew praises. so mote it be. word is born. oh boy.
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